Anyone who knows me, knows that I am actually a 25-year-old grandma who enjoys simple things like “resting her eyes.” Although I do enjoy an occasional turnup or two every other weekend, I mostly enjoy binge-watching Netflix shows while swaddled in a nice, warm Snuggie and devouring a heavenly pint of Talenti caramel cookie crunch gelato.
But last weekend I decided to be a cool kid and take a random, last-minute road trip to Chicago with one of my Sorors (I’m a Delta, for those of you who don’t know). A few people I know from college live there, so I figured it would be a cool little getaway trip for the 4th of July weekend.
One interesting moment was when I went bar hopping with one of my line sisters, Ashley, on Hubbard street, which is a popular nightlife area in downtown Chicago. We wound up sticking around at this one bar called Social 25, which had a live band playing all the jams that night. The lead singer sounded — and looked — like a smooth mix between Maxwell and Lenny Kravitz (he was a little cutie, if you’re into that whole eclectic pretty boy look…not really my type). Homeboy definitely had the crowd rocking though.
Anyways, I’m in my own little world vibing to the music, and this random bald-headed Irish man comes up to me and compliments my shoes — a pair of retro lime green sneakers that my sister had brought home from South Africa. The guy then offers to buy me and Ashley a drink and I say sure (bald Irish men aren’t my type either…but hey, a free drink never hurt nobody). I walked right over to the bar with him and watched the entire time as the bartender made our drinks before handing them to us (Date Rape Prevention 101).
I decided to be nice and engage in a little small talk (as not to be rude) and Irish dude winds up telling me that he’s a cop visiting town from New York. So of course, I ask for his opinion on all the craziness that’s been going on between the law enforcement and melanin folk. He basically says something to the extent of how not all cops are bad and how everything isn’t a race issue (so basically, he pulled a major news network move and avoided addressing the actual issue). That morphed into a mini debate between him, Ashley and me about the existence of racism and oppression in America, and how a lot of Black folk are clearly treated unfairly when it comes to dealing with law enforcement, among other issues.
But Irish cop wasn’t trying to hear all that. His mind was on other things, like inquiring about my ethnicity (both of my parents are Black), asking whether or not I’ve ever dated a white guy, and whether or not I would be interested in going out on a date with him. And also throwing in that any dude who tried to talk to me while he was around would get a beat down (probably not the best choice of words for a cop in America right now).
I just rolled my eyes as I tried to figure out an exit strategy, ’cause this small talk had lingered on for way too long. I gave Ashley “the signal” (ladies, y’all know exactly what I’m talknbout) and told him we had to go to the bathroom. But Irish cop wasn’t letting us get away that easily. He was right there waiting for us when we came out of the bathroom, asking if we wanted to hit up this other bar with him. So now, I’m officially creeped out. This dude was hovering heavy.
We lied and told him we would be leaving soon, and he continued to insist that we leave with him. After blowing him off several more times, he finally gave up — or so we thought. A while later, Irish cop was walking right up to me as we were leaving the bar. Clearly, he had been watching the door to see when Ashley and I would be leaving. I smiled and politely told him through clenched teeth that we were heading home. He made one last attempt by asking me to take his number, and I pretended to save it before hurriedly exiting the bar. I looked over my shoulder a few times after leaving to make sure creepy cop wouldn’t be making any more surprise appearances. Thankfully, he didn’t.
Moral of the story? Never wear lime green sneakers to a bar — you never know who they might attract.