When I initially started writing this post, I had my Black Consciousness Hard Hat strapped on tight, ready to go in on a thinkpiece paralleling the social themes found in the N.W.A. biopic “Straight Outta Compton” with those of the season 2 finale of “Power.” But I decided to take that hat off, grab my silk scarf and wrap my hair up so I can get something a little more personal off my mental.
I had to seriously check my spirit not too long ago. It was trying to ‘go green’ on me, and it’s certainly not the type of green that’ll do good for any environment. It’s that green that’ll cloud your mind with an overwhelming sense of self-uncertainty, competitiveness and discouragement, all at once. Jealousy.
It hit me last week when I stumbled upon the blog of someone I went to school with. As I began reading through her posts, I was intrigued and low-key mad as hell at the same time.
Intrigued, because the girl’s blog was dope. Each post I read felt like I was reading a passage straight out of my own personal diary, which had somehow been stolen, duplicated and showcased on the World Wide Web for everyone to see. Except it wasn’t. It was the innermost thoughts and convictions of another twenty-something-year-old woman who, like me, utilizes her gift of writing as a therapeutic, inspirational outlet for herself and others. Another woman who shares a lot of similar experiences and outlooks on life. Another woman who also happens to be — for lack of better words — one, damn-good writer (excuse my French). And that’s what made me mad… Jealous.
Reading through her blog, I found myself criticizing and comparing her writing style to mine, scrolling through her feedback section to see how many people posted comments, and wondering if her blog gets more traffic than mine. So basically, I was doing the most. To the point where I literally had to pause what I was doing, pull myself into a mental corner, and go all the way off.
Kori, stop being a hater. What are you tripping for? Since when can two beautiful young women not share and express similar experiences, passions and creative gifts? Unless you really thought you were the only gifted Child of God with a greater purpose? Girl, bye!
After I finished giving myself a long, hard read, I prayed. ‘Cause jealousy is some crazy ish that will consume the mess out of you, if you let it. It’s a disease that has infected the best of us, but I find that it’s very prevalent amongst us women because we have an almost-natural way of tearing one another down. We see what the sister to our right has, compare it to what we have, and then try to find and expose her faults and weaknesses in order to make ourselves feel better. That’s wack.
The key is to focus on becoming so confident and sure of ourselves that we are able to look at all of our beautiful sisters and appreciate their gifts without allowing them to become a threat. We have to do a thorough self-eval to determine what inner areas need strengthening, because jealousy is only birthed from insecurity.
As for my particular situation, I reached out to the girl and let her know I would be mentioning her in my blog for this very purpose. I found so much inspiration and conviction in writing this post, and I definitely give her credit for it. Hopefully, we can do some work together in the future.
In the meantime, go check her out. Her name is Kiah McBride, and she was recently blessed to become the managing editor of the newly launched xoNecole.com (from the creator of NecoleBitchie.com). Kiah has an extremely inspiring testimony, which she openly shares along with other experiences on her personal blog, WriteOnKiah.com. Definitely keep her on your radar!
Oh yeah, and stop tripping. 😉