By Christopher Montgomery
About 8 years ago I made the decision to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.
Growing up, I never met a man who made a conscious effort to discipline himself sexually. Ironically, the environment I grew up in taught me that having sex with multiple women added value to your manhood. It wasn’t until I met my pastor, Bishop Antoine Jasmine, when I was a 19-year-old college student that my mentality changed. At the time I was having sex, smoking weed, and basically just living a reckless lifestyle. A friend of mine wound up inviting me to church one day, so I decided to go. The moment Bishop Jasmine prayed for me I felt forgiven, refreshed, rejuvenated, and ultimately, I felt free.
I came to the realization that I had a void in my life that I was trying to fill with superficial things like drugs, sex and validation from people, places and things that always left me feeling empty and unsatisfied. But once I found true satisfaction and freedom in my relationship with Christ, I wanted to protect that. I realized that if I reverted back to my old ways, I would find myself back in that vicious cycle of habits and addictions. My pastor challenged me to fight for my freedom with the same energy and relentlessness I used to pursue women, and with the same persistence I used to chase getting high. He told me to channel all of that energy into fighting for my freedom physically, spiritually and mentally. So from that day on, I stayed committed to protecting my freedom, my peace of mind, and the joy and satisfaction that God gives me daily.
So how does abstaining from sex until marriage benefit me?
Choosing to sacrifice physical pleasure and honor God with my body allows me to experience His good, perfect and pleasing will for my life. I’ve found through personal experience that when you engage sexually, it has the potential to consume your mind and emotions — especially when you don’t have the proper foundation established. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is good, but within its proper context.
Take fire, for example. Fire within proper confinements can be very beneficial and rewarding, such as a cozy fire place, a stove for cooking, or a fire box in a steam train. But fire outside the proper confinements can be very dangerous and destructive. That same fire can burn down a house or forest if it isn’t confined to a place that has the capacity to manage the force that comes from it. The same thing goes for sex. Sex is a passion that was created to be managed within the confinement of marriage. Genesis 2:20-24 makes clear that sex is a good part of God’s creation; however, it was created exclusively for marriage. This means that sex outside of marriage, whether it is pre-marital sex, adultery or otherwise, is rejecting God’s design for sex. (Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5).
I’m celibate not because I don’t have the ability to find a sex partner or because I don’t want to have sex (because I do lol). I’ve just found it to be more beneficial to wait for various reasons. One, I would say, is that I have a greater peace of mind (i.e. not having to worry about unwanted pregnancy, diseases, emotional attachments and soul ties). Deciding to refrain from involving myself physically with someone outside of marriage gives me the space to focus more on developing a pure, genuine friendship with the person. It enhances my awareness of the other person’s intellectual, artistic, and social potential. I’ve found that the relationship becomes stronger as you maximize the opportunities to get to know each other’s character and habits while learning ways to grow and maintain the relationship. Not having sex also gives me the ability to have discernment with whom I choose to invest my time and energy into. And it makes separation a lot easier when things don’t work out, versus separating from someone you’ve been physically intimate with (which can be heart-breaking and emotionally damaging in some cases).
About the Author
Christopher Montgomery is a Detroit native who currently resides in New Orleans. He is an ordained minister, pastor and leader of the God Is Love family outreach group, which hosts services once a month in Detroit and conference call bible studies every other Monday at 8pm ET. He also runs GoCmo Media Production company where he does photography, videography and media consulting company for small businesses and ministries. Chris is also the host of the We On Blast Radio Show, which airs Monday – Friday at 11am ET.
Connect with Chris!
Twitter & Instagram – @gocmo