It’s safe to say that my twenties have taught me some very valuable lessons. I’m talking major keys. Sometimes it feels like God be on some “You gon’ learn today!” type stuff with me. I don’t always like it, but I be paying attention though.
Last week I told y’all about my learning experience at Google. Today I want to share what I’ve discovered from my various encounters and interactions with members of the opposite sex throughout my 26 years of life. Ready? Here it is:
For real. And I’m not just talking from a relationship standpoint — I’m speaking in general. Being single for the past year and some change has really opened my eyes to the way a lot of men in our generation operate. Translation: I peep game. And while it can be frustrating at times, it’s also actually quite intriguing. I could do an entire science experiment on millennial male antics and I’m confident I’d come up with some pretty amazing results. These would be my focus points:
Remember the classic reverse psychology breakup stunt where the guy would purposely do some crazy ish to pee you off just so you could break things off for him? Well, now dudes have taken cowardliness to a whole ‘nother level with this new phenomenon called “ghosting.” It’s when out of nowhere, all forms of communication from the guy come to a complete and sudden stop in hopes that you’d eventually “get the hint.” Like many of y’all, I’ve been a victim of the infamous ghost move — on more than one occasion. There was this one dude I used to talk to for a minute who was actually a pretty cool guy. We kept things platonic, but we hung out a lot and always had a good time together (so there was obviously a level of attraction there). Then one day, dude went straight MIA on me. My feelings were hurt for a split second, but I got over it and learned something valuable from that experience:
It’s difficult for a lot of men to verbally express how they truly feel, and because of this, they’ll usually do one of two things: a) run away or b) lie.
Which brings me to my next piece of evidence…
I’ve found that many dudes have a bad habit of lying about the dumbest ish. I had this one male friend — who I was never in a relationship with, by the way — tell me he couldn’t hang out with me because he was “about to go to sleep” (before 9:00 on a weekend -__-). Of course, come to find out, he was hanging out with another girl. But I get it. Y’all lie as a way of sparing our feelings because women are sensitive and emotional and yadda yadda yadda. Or, y’all could just be tryna save face so you can have your cake and eat it too. Who knows. My whole thing is, this dude was not my man. We never even kissed. So in this case, there was literally no reason for him to lie. Actually, I would’ve respected him if he had just kept it 100 with me (or at least come up with a better lie). But what I’ve learned from these types of scenarios is this:
I’ll take A for 600, Alex.
Also known as “the blame game.” Those times when dude is obviously in the wrong, but his pride won’t let him admit it. So instead of going the mature route by hashing things out and apologizing, he formulates all these different reasons as to why you’re the problem and not him — and will legit argue you down until you concede. But here’s what I’ve learned here:
Proverbs 29:9 – If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Proverbs 10:23 – Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.
…and Mama ain’t raise no fool.
Conclusion: Do Better
Men and women think and operate differently — that much is a given. But what I’m learning is how important it is to find common ground in the way we communicate with one another so we can have a better understanding of one another. I’m learning that even though ghosting, lying and flipping the script are all bi—, excuse me, cop-out moves, there’s a reason why a lot of guys do it. But since I can’t read minds or control the actions of others, all I can do is continue to learn, self-reflect and grow from these experiences so I can become a better woman who attracts better men.